In the world of autism, we parents have many a battle to fight. Sometimes you don't even know there is a battle and it creeps up on you like a stealth, quiet ninja...
"I had no idea that the color of the curtain at story time at the library would set him off!!"
"I wish I had brought Honey Nut Cheerios for him to snack on instead of plain Cheerios-may I never make THAT mistake again!"
These are the things in life that you didn't see coming. If you're anything like me, sometimes you are really on the ball as far as projecting ahead at the pitfalls and bumps in the road for that day. Other times (okay, let's be honest here, most EVERY DAY), I am just in survival mode and planning ahead feels exhausting.
All you planners out there are shaking your heads...tisk, tisk...if only she was a bit more like me. Trust me, I WISH I was more on it. And, Liam has taught me a thing or two about being on it if I want to stay anywhere for an extended amount of time.
Sometimes, though, there are just those blaring, obvious markers in your day that should indicate what your outcome will be. As I have said before, you can anticipate with some certainty what will be served on Thanksgiving day. In this instance, bring a sack lunch for your little one with autism. You can bet that the doctor's office will have a long wait time, bring the Nintendo DS or there's hell to pay! You know, things like this...easy!
Then, there are those things that you KNOW better. You know in the deepest parts of your gut that it will not turn out okay no matter how much pep talk you give yourself or your little one. The thing that will set off a typical developing child, much less one with autism. You know the one...Fireworks!
In the early stages of Liam's diagnosis, I was determined not to let this autism thing get me down! People go see fireworks on 4th of July, dedgummit!!!!! This is what you do and I will not, so help me, let my son determine whether or not I will see fireworks on the 4th.
I think I thought that he would ultimately enjoy it. Yea, maybe it was loud and maybe it looked like there was fire raining down upon us, but Hey! He'll LEARN to like it. I was stubborn and deep down, I knew it.
We always go to the beaches of the gulf of Mexico during the week of 4th of July. We have a family home right in the middle of the beaches of Rosemary Beach and Seaside in Florida. It is so beautiful down there. If you haven't been, make plans to go. Some of the most breath-taking beaches in the world are located just south of Alabama and Tennessee. Anyway...
This particular year (I'm thinking it was 2004) was not unlike most years. We were down with a big group of extended family and had planned on watching fireworks in Seaside. We set up our lawn chairs, picnic basket, and blankets and settled in for what was sure to be a beautiful night. Liam was next to me and seemed just fine running around with all the other children who were there with their families.
The first batch of fireworks began...BOOM! BOOM! CRACK!
Liam looked at me with the widest eyes and the most horrific expression on his face like, "What in the freak are you trying to pull on me??" He instinctively plugged his ears quickly and again looked at me for reassurance. I was probably smiling maniacally, trying to make the whole thing seem like a normal occasion- which set him off even further.
The screaming began, other families stared as we were frantically trying to figure out our escape route. And, with each passing second, another explosion would happen, loud cheering from the crowd, and even louder screams from Liam.
Most of the businesses had closed for the evening and we were all in one car. Liam's dad, Will, scooped him up and noticed that the small record store located on the square at Seaside still had its lights on.
The guys working in the store saw the tear-stained face and heard the screams and reluctantly let Will in to the back of the store.
"It's gonna be okay, Liam. Those are fireworks. They won't hurt you, I promise." More tears, more screaming...clearly, this was not our Kodak moment we were looking for.
Will thought that maybe some music might calm him down.
"JOHN MAYER NUMBER 8, JOHN MAYER NUMBER 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Okay, okay, uh...guys, can you put on some John Mayer for my son?"
The song Liam was referring to was a song called "3 x 5" that we had listened to on occasion. And, come to think of it, it is a really soothing song. (hit the link above to hear it-I think you'll agree). For reasons unknown to us, it was the very song that led Liam into a calm trance in the back of that store. They put it on repeat and he laid down in the corner and let John Mayer take him to another place.
Fast forward several years to this same record store. I had long since forgotten this story (because with autism, there is a 'story' about once per week, so life begins to run together). I took Liam in to the record shop to look around. He was yelling out all the band names on the placards and so excited when he recognized one of them.
"Mom, we have THIS record- I LOVE THIS RECORD!!" He was enthusiastic and LOUD! The store clerk was hanging behind the counter and I kind of smiled and said, "He has autism, sorry it's a little loud."
He was totally understanding, as most people are when I tell them about Liam's diagnosis. Then he went on to say, "Yea, that's interesting because there was this one time this kid came in here freaked from fireworks. He had autism and all he could ask for was John Mayer number 8."
I laughed. "Uh, yea, well, that's Liam! That's the same guy you're talking about right here."
"NO kidding!"
So, I said,"Liam do you remember coming here with daddy during the fireworks show when you were upset? You were so little, you probably don't remember that."
Liam very nonchalantly said, "Yes, I do. And, that guy's name is Edward."
I looked at the store clerk and he nodded surprisingly that yes, he was indeed Edward. No name tag gave it away. Liam just remembered it. Liam had never talked about that incidence, so I never assumed he remembered. We both just looked sort of dumbfounded at each other. And, Liam moved on to other band names, "Vampire Weekend, we have THAT record!!"
Huh.
I was stunned. Liam's diagnosis is Pervasive Developmental Disorder NOS which is a fancy autistic name for developmental delay. But, I realized in that moment there was a lot more going on in Liam's brain than I gave/give him credit for. He knows things. He remembers a great deal. And, he is taking in a lot more than we can even know. His words and conversation do not match this knowledge, so it is difficult for me to know exactly what he sees. But, I am fascinated.
Edward has become part of our routine down at the beach. We will go to the record store a few times a year and say hello. Edward gets a kick out of how tall Liam's gotten or the obscure bands that he knows about.
And, I'm continually fascinated at the way my guy's brain really works. I get to see pockets of this every once in a while, but rarely. We mostly talk about the same few interests he has in looping paragraphs.
But, I learned a lot that day. First, never go ANYWHERE without noise-canceling headphones and NEVER underestimate your own child. They will surprise you!!
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