As "Iron (Bowl) Sharpens Iron"

***Many thanks to Kristen for reminding me why I do this blog! Thank you for writing and getting me back on the horse!!***

I have not fully accepted that winter is quickly making it's comeback. The weather is indeed frightful outside with a big ice storm on its way, so today is a perfect day to get under a blanket and write this blog. This southern girl does not do well in the cold. 

Since the last blog, I am happy to report that Liam has settled in nicely to middle school. I have made great sacrifices to stay in the county where we live because the school system here is amazing! All of my support network and family lie one county over, so it can be difficult when the stuff of life happens. But, it has been well worth it when I come to an IEP meeting and his teachers give me good reports and seem truly invested in his learning. He is independently walking to each class and has minimal support in the inclusion classrooms. He is only pulled out a few times during the day for individualized teaching- which is HUGE! We are putting him in different arenas of extracurricular activities to see which one "sticks". I can report that while being the water boy for the middle school football team over the summer and early fall was an honor, I think he likes knowing the stats of the game rather than the manual labor required to actually fill the bottles up and take them to the players. 

The Water Boy!

To my horror, players and coaches were many times desperately yelling for water while Liam was too busy staring into space and adding up the yardage gain in his head from the previous play. I had to stop going to the games because I would get more stressed out about his lack luster performance than he would! 

I don't believe I have fully explained Liam's obsession with football on this blog. He just so happens to be one of the biggest University of Alabama's fans. And, unless you are just completely unaware of anything sports related, Bama has been consistently on top for the past 5 years. And, unless you live under a rock- there was a small (really tiny) game played this past Saturday that rocked Bama's hopes for a 3rd National Championship in 4 years under the reign of head coach, Sir Nick Saban, or "Lord Saban" as he is referred to in our house. And, this game may have been our fiercest rival ever. And, the last play of the game before inevitable overtime, may just have been played and replayed countless times on every single network on every single channel in the entire nation. Our beloved team lost. Our championship dreams dashed by a "miracle" play that some are calling the greatest end to a football game in history. 

Lord Saban with his team!

We were in shock. 

To work so hard to get to this point in the season-only to lose in one moment was gut-wrenching! I act like it was me on the field playing the game, but this is SEC football! We live and die football down here. 

As my mind stared blankly at the screen, my family members all muttering sighs of disbelief, a familiar sound came from the bedroom next to us. Liam had wisely given himself time-outs through out the game if the score was too close for comfort. He would emerge from the bedroom, check the status, and quickly go back in and close the door if he knew his blood pressure couldn't handle it! But, the sound I heard was one of angry screams of rage, things being thrown, and walls being punched! 

I had been preparing for this day all along. It's pretty remarkable that Alabama has won as many games as they have. They have been the team to beat for several years and there was talk of a dynasty occurring. So, in the mind of a child with autism, winning becomes a routine. And, I know I have talked on this blog about the futile nature of trying to explain winning and losing to him. 

Then, to make matters worse, another family member raged at the fact that Liam was raging...

We were all grieving, and none of us knew what to do but to go to our default modes of coping.

When I finally made it in to Liam's room without having things thrown at me, he was lying down, breathing deeply, hands close to his face, and eyes closed. I scratched his back and we both sat in silence for a while.

When enough time had passed, he looked at me wide-eyed and said, "Mom, MY 'play of the game' was the 99 yard pass that AJ McCarron threw!"

AJ McCarron is Alabama's QB that threw an incredible 99 yard pass for a touchdown in the 

Few QB's have as many Championship rings as losses!

same game that Auburn won. It was indeed a great play and probably would have moved AJ's chances of winning a Heisman- if Bama had won the game. 

But, it was not the pass that stood out to me. It was Liam's ability to bring it back around to a memorable moment of joy in the game. To me, this was a giant leap for mankind!!! (okay, maybe just our family)

Liam was able to recall a good moment and let that be his comfort. He could have easily dwelt on the loss for days and days on end. But, instead, he focused on the positive- something that he has never been able to do very well (if ever) up until this point. And, something that is very difficult for him given his unwavering obsession with all things Alabama sports. 

The Auburn-Alabama game is called the Iron Bowl every year for historical, and some more obvious, reasons. With Iron-Bowl-like strength, Liam managed to kick the walls, throw a few items, and tear things up. But, miraculously, he used that same strength to dig deep and find a ray of light in the midst of heartache. 

The lesson here is that things are moving...things are changing...he is progressing...and the struggles we have dealt with for so long are finally moving more and more in to the past. And in the meantime, he teaches ME the stuff of life. He is teaching me to focus on what went right instead of what went wrong. 

Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." 

He continues to "sharpen" me every day! I love this, and I love that little guy! 

Oh...and Roll Tide Roll!!

The Dreaded Transition

I very much apologize for such a long hiatus from this blog! Summer time has, unfortunately, not given me long periods of down time. In addition to being the only parent, I am currently in school right now finishing a master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. I figure since I have been through, what feels like, about four lifetimes, maybe I can help someone else. I have another year and a half before I walk down the aisle with cap and gown. All told it will be about 3 1/2 years of extra schooling. So, you can imagine my disdain when I see claims of getting a "few weekends course" on becoming a therapist! There is a method to the madness, and I look forward to the day I can hang a shingle and begin seeing clients. 

I may even see myself helping families with a new autism diagnosis. Those first couple of years after the initial "drop" into autism is a daunting one at best. You are, on the one hand, relieved that there is a name for all of the craziness that you have felt, and on the other hand, you are completely overwhelmed and thrown into an unknown world of doctor and therapy appointments, school meetings, diet changes, medications, THE WORKS! 


A dear friend from childhood just sent me a message through Facebook to tell me that she believed that her son was on the spectrum. She gave me the list of 'symptoms' and all I could do was shake my head and say to myself, "yes, I believe she is right." My stomach dropped as I read her plea. I remember those first years and how freaking hard everything was. Nothing made sense. I was exhausted and depleted at every turn. Mind you, I am still tired, but life has a different pace to it. My hyper-vigilance is not quite what it used to be. But, I have a real empathy for those just now finding out. 

This same friend asked me to write about transitions. Aren't these the hardest??  I can't say that transitions are not still the number one thing that sends Liam through the roof. 

Here are a few tips I have learned (the hard way):

1. Keep a schedule
This may come very natural to some of you. I, however, prefer to float aimlessly through my day. I love to see what adventures may arise out of the blue. I love to slowly waltz from one activity to the next. This. Does. Not. Work. With. Autism. I repeat, you may not be a creative-type without a plan. Free-form does not exist in the world of autism. I have learned that there is at least 85% less whining and freak outs when there is a visual schedule. What is a visual schedule, you might say? (Oooohhhhoooohhhhhooooo, your world is about to change!!!!)

PECS stands for Pictorial Exchange Communications System (now you're smart!)

When Liam's therapists began giving me all of these pictures of things that he liked or things that he did during the day, I just sort of stared at these them like, "um, yea, how is this supposed to help me not kill my child?" They just looked at me and winked, and seemed to say, "just give it time, you'll be using these like crack- and, oh, we know what we're doing and you don't." Turns out, they were right. Even a toddler at 2 years of age can see what the pictures represent. For whatever reason, this satisfies the autistic child's need for order and predictability. And, now that Liam is older, I can just write out his schedule without using the pictures. I even schedule his down time (shoot me!) like: 

1. Eat breakfast

2. Watch tv

3. Play basketball

4. Snack

5. Computer time

6. Massage mommy's shoulders 

Do not do what I did which was to ignore the PECS for several years. Go ahead and start using it today!! 

2. The Great "If-Then" strategy:

Let's just get this right out of the way. You will be doing an inordinate amount of bribing with your newly diagnosed child with autism. You will say, in the beginning, that you will not partake of such parenting shenanigans, but, alas, my friends, you will.  The "If-Then" board gives you a nicer name for your shenanigans than that nasty "B" word.  

This is self explanatory, but you simply have a laminated sheet of paper that has an IF column and a THEN column. I used to have this paper with pieces of velcro so that I could put the visual symbol I wanted to under each one. (I can't seem to find a good example of one online)

For example: 

IF:                                                   THEN:

CLEAN TOYS                                EAT COOKIES

When you are yelling maniacally at your child trying to reason with them as to why they should obey you, they do not get what you are saying. Stop talking, and start pointing at the chart. Remember the KISS method which is "Keep It Simple, Stupid". Anything more than the 'IF, THEN' turns to white noise! 

3. Give them a LONG RUNWAY:

Much like an airplane that needs a really long runway to take off, a child with an airbus size tantrum ability needs a long runway to prepare for these transitions. You cannot expect a child sitting with the iPad on the couch to gently move to the carseat in 5 seconds time. You could with your other child. You CANNOT with this one!! When you foresee a transition coming up, you need to begin the countdown at LEAST ten minutes ahead of time, if not more. I even would do transitions for the end of a favorite book! (Okay, we are two pages away from being finished, then bed time...don't hit me.)

4. Try to do all of this without emotion

Now, I realize that even while I am typing this, I am clenching my jaws and yelling at my children to go to bed. There is hardly a good way to not show your annoyance when your child is screaming bloody murder and hurling themselves on the floor. But, I can attest that much of my son's tantrums and antics were to push my buttons. Yes, he has sensory and transition issues, but there is nothing quite as good as getting your mama's goat! Also, these guys need to be given credit where credit is due. They know that screaming gets the job done!! Everyone hops to it when Johnny Junior is having a meltdown. So, the key is to remain calm, grab your "IF-THEN" board and continue to point to the board until they respond appropriately. It may take you 20 times in a row. It may take you twice. But, once you have remained the calm one, you are actually modeling for them what normal behavior is. When you are not responding with chaos and emotion, the fun gets taken out of all the bad behaviors. 

5. Pray

6. Drink a glass of wine. (or three)

7. Share your journey with others

Unfortunately, most people will not get it. But, it won't hurt to try. You cannot shoulder this alone. You need friends, family, therapists, pastors, and anyone else who can be there for you in a significant way to help. Do not be afraid to ask for help. There will come a day when you won't need as much. There is an end in sight. But, until that day, you have to invest in relationships that give back.

And, once you have done all seven of these steps, you will go to bed. Sleep as much as you can, and do it all over again the next day. 

Power on! You are stronger than you think.

Surrey Dune

Today, I am happy to say that I am down at the beach. My family and I come down to the Gulf of Mexico a few times a year. I am not unaware of this luxury. I realize there are some who may never get to spend a week off at the beach, or even get a vacation. Or as we say in the autism community, "same problems, different location".

This family beach house is named Surrey Dune. For one reason, it was named after my grandfather's family farm outside of Anniston, Alabama called Surrey Hill. And the dune part comes from the fact that it is quite literally sitting on top of a dune. The views are gorgeous, and I have watched the landscape develop all around us since 1984 when we began coming down here. This house has watched as scenic 30-A has become the vacation destination of the entire southeastern region of the country. Seaside was built close to the time when my grandparents obtained Surrey Dune, and it has been steadily growing ever since. 

As a child, I was not satisfied with our beach front haven. I wanted to be where all my cool friends were- at the Sandestin Hilton. But, it was just a far enough drive from my beach that my parents would never take me. I dreaded going back to school after spring break to hear all stories that I missed. I pretended that long, solo walks on the beach and playing UNO with my parents was just as fun. Little did I know that I would crave that time as an adult. But, what did I know as a kid? You can never tell kids that in the moment and have them get it! (stupid kids!)

Note the high cut hips!

Some things about this area haven't changed a bit. Alvin's Island, a store with an identity crisis, is still going strong. Alvin's Island was a store that everyone in the 80's thought was the coolest place in the world. I can remember asking my mom to take me there to get an awesome one-piece suit. I was not allowed to wear two piece suits, so the concession was to allow me to pick one out from Alvin's Island. My swimsuit was pastel pink and white pinstripes with cute snaps going down the front. It also was high cut on the hips! This was going to be a big hit with the fellas when I was in 8th grade. (think Tiffani Amber Thiessen circa 1989 "Saved By the Bell"--SO HOT!!)  The outside of the store looked and still looks like a fake rock or island- like something out of Disney World that was so cool when the park opened, but less appealing next to the more glitzy rides like Space Mountain, the Tower of Terror, or the Dumbo Ride. It has palm trees and the logo is written in 80's skater font, or in some locations, like the logo from Gilligan's Island.  The sign usually reads ALVIN'S ISLAND (WHERE YOU TOO CAN LOOK LIKE TIFFANI AMBER THIESSEN, OR GET A HENNA TATOO, OR PICK UP A PUKA SHELL NECKLACE) 

Not sure when the live shark and gator happen. This adds a whole, new dimension.

Alvin's Island is located about 20 minutes east of where we are in Florida in a little town called Panama City Beach. Unfortunately, PCB (aren't there carcinogens named after this place) has seen better days. Panama City Beach is like the beautiful prom date from the 80's. Her hair was perfectly teased, her puffy sleeves were sexy, and no tan was tan enough! Now to look at her, the 'sun-in' has faded, her tan skin is sagging in all the wrong places, and the only places that are puffy are the bags under her eyes. 

But maybe PCB will make a come back! Maybe, like Aztec print leggings, PCB will rise up and be the kitschy place we love and adore. Where else can you pick up a 6 pack, flip-flops, and an air-brushed t-shirt that says "Love Bites"?

In keeping with the kitschy theme, Surrey Dune is quite the specimen of kitsch. My lovely grandmother has collected all things beach and crammed them in to make it a wonderland of dolphins, shells, flamingos, and crabs...and that's just the den!! In her generation, you would never put your nice things in your vacation home. You put the stuff you don't want and add whatever appropriate themed knick-knacks. If you have a lake house, you add bass master paraphernalia and signs that say "gon' fishin'". In a beach house, you add signs like "Two Olde Crabs Live Here" next to a vase full of airbrushed seashells.

Or you have things like this:

These two items are NOT for sale, so do not inquire about them!!
















The best part of Surrey Dune is how my family is a firm believer in "if it ain't broke, DO NOT fix it...you add the new parts and keep the old."  As demonstrated in this lovely outdoor shower head. 

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT replace any part that works. This rusted out water pipe only looks like it doesn't work. We will, however, replace it with a killer shower head. (the bar of soap is original to the house)

Anytime there was something broken or finicky, my grandmother would add a word of warning to ward off those who may want to break her rules when she is not around. One of my favorites was the disposal that had a sign that read:

THE DISPOSAL IS OLD AND CRANKY LIKE ME!! DO NOT PUT LARGE FOOD INSIDE!

I do love this place. With all of it's clanky, quirky-ness, it is a wonderful place to grow up. My kids, of course, take for granted that you merely have to open the sliding glass door, and you are on your way to the beach. There are no high rises to ramble through, or resort fees to pay. We are directly in front of the gulf with the most magnificent views and sunsets! We will gladly put up with the scratchy poly-blend bed coverlets and water-stained ceilings. This is our beach house. This is Surrey Dune.

View from our front porch!

***Surrey Dune photo credit: David Gunnells***

The Birds and the Bees

Well, summer is here! I have been on an unusual amount of trips the past few months and have had zero time to write here on the blog! I have missed it, but between packing, airports, schedules, and end of the school year activities, my life has been crazay!!! 

But, along with the change of season comes another change in the household of autism- NO SCHEDULES! Per usual, this lack of structure does not bode well for my little guy. 

Who, btw, is not getting so little anymore, and I must rethink the way I address him! Yes, he is finally hitting his growth spurt and is quite fascinated with how tall he is. This obsession with his height stems from his love of numbers, but mostly with his fierce competition with his brother who is 3 years older. It bugs him to no end that Walker is much taller than he is- at least a good 12 inches- and he will not stop until he is at least neck and neck with him. 

This competition prompted one of Liam's outbursts (and one of my all time favorite sayings of his!) when he asked, "Why did God make Walker fall out of the sky before me?!!!!"

Liam in the play Treasure Island with his ladies! 

There are many layers to Liam's theological and existential question, but most disturbing is the fact that he actually believed that babies fall out of the sky. I will fully take the blame for this!! I have not had the proper "talk" with him about the birds and the bees. (are we still calling it that these days?)

I don't know what it is. Maybe it is because Liam has shown literally no interest in wanting to know more about the human anatomy, where babies come from, or the difference between girls and boys. He likes girls- of this I am certain! He gets borderline obsessed with a few of them, to the point where we have had to put a "no hugging" boundary in place at school. 

But, he does not seem to be interested in the normal curiosities of boys his age. About a year ago, I made a feeble attempt at having the "talk" with him by starting the conversation like:

ME:   "Hey, did you know that  babies have to be pushed out of their mom's bottoms when they're born?"

LIAM:  "OH SHOOT!!!"

This was the end of it. No more questions. No asking why. He just simply stared out the window and probably tried to poke out his mind's eye while he thought about a woman pushing a baby out. 

Actually, I don't KNOW what he thought about next. This is what makes Liam such a mystery! Half the time we will be tracking on one subject, and then he will quickly parachute in with some other subject that is completely different than where we were going. It can be very difficult and somewhat maddening!! 

So, my quest to know when the right time will be to tell him about babies and where they come from (the stork, DUH!!!) will continue unanswered for now. I will take some of my cues from him, and maybe throw in a few other conversation starters like, 

"Did you know that a woman bleeds for 5-7 days each month?"

This should go over well.


****Our little family was featured in our neighborhood magazine with an excerpt from my blog! Go here to read the story!  http://www.fieldstonemagazine.com Click on the May issue!****

Wheel of Fortune

Eek! I just realized it's been a month since I last posted. Life has been busy in my household. I am not complaining though! I have been able to go out of town on not one, but two fun trips in the month of April. 

One of those trips was to Las Vegas. What a treasure trove of sensory overload that place is!! I thought of Liam several times as I went to the larger than life, four-story M&M's super store, saw the statue of Liberty made entirely of Jelly Belly's, and played the Wheel of Fortune slot machine. It truly is the Disney World for adults. I imagined what it would be like for him to walk in to a casino. I then imagined his head exploding.

JELLY BELLY GET IN MY BELLY!!

I brought home pictures of Vegas for him to see. I even posted a video of me hitting the button on the Wheel of Fortune slot machine. He was riveted! 

"When can I go, Mom?"

My mind traced back to the Pussycat Dolls dancing (if that's what you call it) in the middle of Caesar's Palace.

"Probably not for a REALLY long time, Liam."

You also have to have ALOT of money to make Vegas work for you. And, with my son's OCD capabilities, I will probably need to steer him clear of Vegas for a while.

Even as a well-informed, somewhat level-headed adult, I can see how gambling addictions happen. The "I'll-just-do-this-one-more-time" logic kicks in really fast. You see the breakdown happen when you notice someone two slot machines down from you win $100. You automatically assume that your big break is ONE pull away. You imagine what you will do with your winnings, the places you will go, maybe get that luxury SUV you've always wanted. Who cares? It's free money!! They're just GIVING AWAY MONEY AT THE CASINO.

All of these flowers are real. Pictures do not do the Bellagio justice!

And then you wake up. You realize you've been pressing the same button 20o times and you have like 3 pulls left and $0.75 credit. You IMMEDIATELY cash out. I mean, you know when to stop! 

As my mama said, "Rebecca, the house always wins!"

I did enjoy myself though. I was with a group of fun girls who make me laugh harder than anything. We saw two great Vegas-y shows- Shania Twain and David Copperfield, ate amazing food, and were awestruck at the beauty and architecture of the hotels. (I mean, hello Bellagio!!!)

My favorite slot was by far the Wheel of Fortune machine. That machine ignited all of my pleasure centers in the brain at once because of the sounds that are JUST like the TV show, and the bonus spins they would throw your way at just the perfect time. (most likely when you were just about to cash out)

I have a deep affection for Wheel of Fortune. I grew up as a child of the 80's watching Vanna spin that wheel night after night. I have a dream of going on that show. I even went to a cattle call in Tennessee they held in order to be a contestant on Wheel of Fortune. As fortune (or misfortune) would have it, I did NOT get my name drawn that day. So, I now sit along with everyone else and solve many of the puzzles before the contestants get to them. 

I have passed this love for Wheel of Fortune down to my son with autism. It is the perfect 'Aspy' (that's short for Asperger's) game with a spinning wheel, puzzles, and the same routine every show. Liam does get frustrated when I solve the puzzles before him, but he likes watching it with me all the same. Pat Sajak and Vanna White were at the top of his celebrity list for quite some time. He would wake up and announce when it was their birthdays. To this day, he knows exactly how old Vanna is. (I'm sure she has tried to keep that info off of the internet, but even so, Liam will NEVER forget!!!)

So, when February 18th rolls around...guess who is up at the crack of dawn eager to announce Vanna's birthday!!!!

For some time, Liam would obsessively search for Youtube videos of Wheel of Fortune's past. Such as, do you remember the show from October 1993? Well, Liam does because has seen it 50 times. And, he can tell you the puzzles that were solved on that show. 

This machine was not a winner. :(

He also figured out quickly that if he had his hand on the master rewind/fast forward button that he could fast forward to the end to see what the puzzle was, and then rewind again and "solve" it before the contestants. Liam has no problem using a little trickery if it means in the end he is the winner. Too bad life does not come with fast forward and rewind. We are still working on that little concept. 

And, sometimes I think how could I make this incredible brain of his work to my advantage?? How can I use that seemingly endless memory of his? There's got to be a way! There's got to be a cash cow in there somewhere!!!!

Hmmm...

Maybe that Vegas trip is not too far off after all!! 

Spring Break(down)

Yes, who in their right mind came up with the term Spring Break? Break for who????

Any kind of break from the routine is no such break in the houses of autistic families. It is a week of long days, filling up our little one's time with activities and schedules. By the time the week ends, parents are bleary-eyed and exhausted counting down the seconds until Monday morning school begins. 

Because of this, I decided I would share some of my favorite things in the autism world. This list is by far NOT exhaustive (because I am!), but it is a good start and may give you something to do during this week without STRUCTURE!!!!

1. Adam- This is an incredible story about an adult with Asperger's Syndrome. This is the movie that I tell people to watch when they ask me what autism is like on a day to day basis, and what autism may look like in adulthood. It is a touching story, but also incredible acting! Go see it.












2. Parenthood. I've talked about it before, but it bears repeating...THIS SHOW IS AMAZING! The writing is so great and true to life. Sometimes I will talk to my friends who watch this show like the characters are real- as if they are who I was with last Tuesday night. Then, I have to stop myself and say, "oh yea, they're not real."Adam and Christina are a couple (on the show, Rebecca) with a child on the autism spectrum. His name is Max, and although he can grate on your nerves with his whining and complaining, or the way he calls the shots in his family routine, you cannot help but feel empathy for the whole family. Again, if you are a family with a child on the spectrum, it will give you a good laugh and a good cry. If you are not an autistic family, it will enlighten you to the real life struggles that having a child who demands so much, and gives back so little, has on the people closest to them. They are, I believe, four seasons in, but it is worth sitting in your bed with Netflix and starting from the beginning. You won't regret it!!

3. Jasongood.net

A friend of mine recently sent this to me and I howled with laughter!! Jason is a comedian, husband, and father. I love anyone that can make the ordinary funny and can throw in humor about the woes of parenting. Because as I often say, if you're not laughing, you're probably crying! Jason recently posted this little gem referring to his 3 year old. I have no idea if his son is on the spectrum, but it sounded so much like my little guy that I decided to copy and paste his post. 

46 Reasons My Three Year Old Might Be Freaking Out

Some of these are total guesses. Educated guesses, but guesses nonetheless. Seems like it’s hard being a kid.

His sock is on wrong.

His lip tastes salty.

His shirt has a tag on it.

The car seat is weird.

He’s hungry, but can’t remember the word “hungry.”

Someone touched his knee.

He’s not allowed in the oven.

I picked out the wrong pants.

His brother looked at him.

His brother didn’t look at him.

His hair is heavy.

We don’t understand what he said.

He doesn’t want to get out of the car.

He wants to get out of the car by himself.

The iPad has a password.

His sleeve is touching his thumb.

He doesn’t understand how popsicles are made.

The inside of his nose stinks.

Chicken is gross.

A balloon he got six months ago is missing.

A puzzle piece won’t fit in upside down.

I gave him the wrong blue crayon.

The gummi vitamin is too firm.

Netflix is slow.

He jumped off the sofa and we weren’t watching.

He’s not allowed to touch fire.

Everything is wrong with his coat.

There’s a dog within a 70 mile radius.

A shoe should fit either foot.

I asked him a question.

His brother is talking.

He can’t lift a pumpkin.

He can’t have my keys.

The cat is in his way.

The cat won’t let him touch its eyeball.

The inside of his cheek feels rough.

Things take too long to cook.

He has too much food in his mouth.

He sneezed.

He doesn’t know how to type.

The DustBuster is going to eat him.

His mom is taking a shower.

Someone knocked over his tower.

He got powdered sugar on his pants.

The yogurt won’t stay on his spoon.

EVERYTHING IS TOO HOT.

**********************************************

Another post from Jason talks about his wife's habit of trying not to use expletives in front of her children. If you've ever stepped on an action hero with bare feet, and have almost blown an O-ring from trying to keep from saying a bad word, then this is the link for you: http://jasongood.net/365/2013/01/the-g-rated-phraseology-of-motherhood/

4. Jim Gaffigan So, speaking of comedy, I don't know anyone who does not love the comedy of Jim Gaffigan. I hear he has a new special out on DVD, but the most recent one I have seen is Mr. Universe.  He is a father of 5 kids, and has lots of material with that fact alone. Netflix has it, so no excuses! Go check it out!!

5. Savant "Burgertime" So, my oldest son is WAY in to DJ's, dub step, and electronic dance music. It is an entire other world of pulsating beats, light shows, and headaches. (because after several minutes of listening to it, you will get a headache!) But, every once in a while, he will play me something that I can hang with. I like some of the more pop stuff. And, there is a chap with autism who started making dub step music several years ago. His DJ name is aptly called Savant. My son informed me that last year alone he produced four albums, so he is definitely living up to his name. I wanted to share his song "Burgertime" because I like the fact that he refers to his diagnosis in the song, and I think it's incredibly brave for him, and informative for us.

I will end my list of favorite things, for now. 

I hope this week proves to be a time when you actually CAN listen to a song on Youtube, watch an entire movie, or maybe even an entire season of a TV show.

Sometimes you just gotta just unplug.

Bewitched!

I am waiting with bated breath for the school bus to show up. It's almost that time and I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, my shoulders are tightening up, and my jaw is curiously tense. 

All children around the world become bewitched around 5pm.

Chill out, you might say!! What's the worst thing that can happen???

This is the time when the bewitching hour(s) begin. 

We all know what this is. 

Bewitched. When I look up the definition it mentions something about being enchanted and delighted. I'm not sure what Webster was smoking when he came up with that. Because at my house, the bewitching hours are from after school/homework hours to bedtime. And to me, this is really just the in-between time before I get my kids in the bed. Can I get an AMEN!

As you know, I love my children. They both enchant and delight me, at times. But, something about the day getting darker, the dreaded "what will we ever cook for dinner", and the mood-altering homework hour is just about enough to send ole Mama over the edge. I mean, why can't the teachers do his homework with him at school?? I mean, what am i paying for???? Oh...wait...public education.

I do have a bit of a right to be tense. Last week was a doozy. 

Wednesday morning started like it normally does: me shuffling out of bed at the crack of dawn, scowl on my face because the sun was peaking in, and Liam being as loud as he possibly could be. 

He amazes me. I have never seen anyone dash out of bed like he does. He operates in 'off' and 'on' mode. No slow fade in. And this morning was no exception.

But something has been happening lately. He has grown a bit surly the past few months. I can only describe it as edgy and disgruntled. I know! You're thinking, uh, what else is new? He has autism. No, this is different. He has taken his complaining and whining to an entirely new level of awesome-ness. I think it is something called hormones. They are beginning to surge through his veins with the force of a tidal wave.

So, there he was, yelling at the "stupid cereal box" because the cereal clearly poured itself way too much in the bowl. (How dare that cereal! Maybe it IS stupid!!!)

And, let's just say I was not on my game this morning. I was grumpy and tired and was in no mood to hear all this clatter over nothing this early in the a.m.

So, I began yelling, complaining and whining (because that's productive!). After this tactic did not exactly get us anywhere, I sent him to time out. I was thinking what a genius I was because I thought I had won this little skirmish. 

Nope. He just began hurling the whining and complaining from the chair. 

I quickly walked over to him with wagging finger saying something about being the one in charge when he decided to throw his entire FULL bowl of cereal and milk at my face. 

It was exactly like the movies. Slow-mo, with a huge thud against my jawbone and streaming milk and shredded wheat all over myself, the furniture, the floor, the walls, the chairs, the rug-everything EXCEPT Liam!

I wish our spill site was THIS clean!!

The look on his face was horror mixed with, "oh my God, what is she going to do to me!!!"

This is one of those moments when the parenting book goes out the window. The response that you want to have and the response that you need to have are two very different things. And the chasm between the two is long and wide!

I will let your imagination fill in the blanks on what I wanted to do...

But, I knew that I was going to have to de-escalate the situation, and fast! I was the adult. Not him. 

I threw my disgusting cereal-soaked clothes to the floor and showered off my hair as best as I could. I took a few deep, VERY cleansing breaths and headed in to face my opponent. I very calmly told him that he would have no more free time today and he would spend the rest of the morning cleaning up the mess he made and writing sentences until the bus came. 

Some of you may be thinking that the punishment was not enough. But, I have learned that I have to parent Liam a lot differently than my other child. Consequences have to be immediate, and the worst thing in the world to him these days is to not have free time. 

Anytime he tried to blame me for his throwing the bowl of cereal, I quickly interrupted him, and told him he was not allowed to speak unless it was directly related to cleaning up the mess he made. He mopped, and wiped, and swept. It took forever and I had to sit there and manage every second of the clean up. 

I tried not to let him see my tears, but when he did, he asked me why I was crying. I didn't know whether to maniacally laugh in his face or weep uncontrollably. I just simply said, "You know why."

The bus arrived and he set the mop and dish rags aside, gathered his books, and walked out the door like it was a normal day. 

"Bye, mom!"

I was incredulous. Even after all this time, I still can't believe he doesn't get it. I want him to SEE ME! I want him to see what he does TO ME. But, he doesn't. It doesn't register. 

I sat down and wrote an email to his team at school just to let them know the happenings of the morning. I asked his 5th grade teacher, who happens to be a male and an ex-cop, if he wouldn't mind giving Liam a little man-to-man talk about violence towards women- especially the mothering kind. He graciously agreed.

(Now this is the part of the story that reminds me to tell you parents of autism that you need a team around you.)

A few hours later I received an email back from his special ed teacher saying that he seemed upset this morning when he arrived at school. She sat him down and he told her he was "very sad." Knowing what had happened, she probed a bit further and asked if he wanted to talk about the incident. He did, and said that his male teacher, Mr. Carnes' said that "men who hit women go to jail", and that their sentence would be, "two days."

I smiled when I read that. Of course! Now, THAT was the thing that stuck out in his mind. But, I didn't care. Whatever it took was fine by me.

Mr. Carnes wrote me an email stating that they had a good talk, and that I should look for a letter from Liam when he got home. 

Once home, Liam proudly waved the white envelope and announced that he had a letter for me. 

"I'm sorry, Mama."

"Thank you, Liam. What does the note say?"

"MOM, just read it, OKAYYYY." 

**sigh**

"Dear Mom I am sorry that I threw a bowl of cereal at you and I really love you so much. Because you are my mother. The things I was sorry about was hurting you, yelling at you and being mean to you. I love you and I will never do that again. The things that you do is making me my dinner, you love on me and you snuggle with me. And you buy me surprises, you ride bikes with me. Love, Liam"

**smile**

I'm glad he stuck the part in there about buying him surprises. He's already a using a little Freudian technique. 

The Letter.

I am so grateful for a team of people that rallied around us and walked Liam through something that didn't even happen at school. They jumped in, feet first, and took the opportunity to show him what it means to be empathetic and caring.

And, I am grateful for the corner of Liam's heart that this letter was written from. I know he cares. He has to. He just doesn't always know how to show it. But, I have the proof. It's written on a white 8x11 sheet of paper. 

Even if it was scripted a little bit, those are his words. And, I'll keep riding bikes, I'll keep loving and snuggling, and making his dinners, as long as he lets me. After all, it's these little moments that make it all worth it. 


Well, sort of....