Dancing Barista

Wintry days are here, and we have a whopping 6-8 inches here in the mid-state of Tennessee. That may as well be 48 inches to us southerners who gasp and shriek with delight at this alien form of white powder that rains down upon us! Roads are closed, businesses shut down, so there is nothing left to do other than to....

HAVE AN IMPROMPTU DANCE PARTY IN THE KITCHEN WHILE DOING THE DISHES!!!

Well, this is what I tried to do when I realized that no one else was home. Kanye came on loudly and I was lip-syncing and white girl dancing so hard when I saw something out of the corner of my eye.

I looked out the window and saw the battle-worn face of Liam coming home from sledding and playing in the snow. I only had a quick 3-4 seconds before I could turn the speakers down so that he would not have a conniption fit at the volume in which "Touch the Sky" was blaring. I had a tough choice to make- continue my kitchen concert and risk his rage, or turn it down and pretend like I had been heating up his hot chocolate the whole time.

I decided to take a risk-I mean, hey! This is my house, dadgummit (who's mom from Bama used that word when she was mad?!) I pay the bills and feed everyone (most of the time), so I can have the volume any way I want it!!!!

This is what I looked like in my kitchen!

When he came in, he predictably rounded the corner with disapproving eyes and shook his head. Like he was the parent and he found me underage drinking in my closet.

"MOM, ...WHY? WHY, MOM??!!

Funtime over. Somehow my 'running man' with a huge grin on my face did not get the smirk I was looking for. I slowly went back to the speakers and turned them down, and eventually off.

I never know which mood I will get back. Sometimes I will get the playful side and get a few more fun moments out of it, but most of the time, this is the reality. Hard to know what's autism and what's teen annoyance.

So, I decided to take this rare day of "nothingness" and get into my creativity of writing. I'm always glad when I do, but it seems so hard to start. Story of my life.

I got some inspiration to write after a friend sent me a touching story about a man named Donald Grey Triplett. Donald was the first person ever to receive an autism diagnosis. The story details are unique and yet the same as those of us grappling with those first few years of autism. His parents did not know what was wrong with their child. After a doctor said there was nothing he could do, they made the difficult choice to institutionalize Donald because that was what you did in that day. Anyone that was seen as out of the ordinary wasted away in a sterile mental hospital. The doctor even told them to move on and forget about Donald- that somehow that was the best thing for him and his parents.

Donald Triplett-wasn't he precious?

But, the parents never forgot about Donald. They decided that they would not allow him to grow up as a patient, but a person with a story. A story that mattered. Their perseverance and hard work made him the man that he is today. He is remarkably still alive at 82 years old! He plays golf and lives independently in the house he grew up in.

But the most incredible part of the story is how his small-town community rallied around him and accepted him. In the town of Forest, Mississippi, in the 1940's and 50's, when difference and diversity was not something embraced or encouraged, this community decided to make him one of their own. They welcomed him in their schools, their restaurants, and businesses. He even made some of the girls swoon!!

Which brought me back to my own situation and how I have chosen to make Liam a part of his greater community. This past year we learned that Liam was not doing so great in school. The IEP that he had was not really working any more and we, wait, what am I saying, I had to make the difficult decision to place Liam on a special needs track. This track would knock him out of the traditional path that most students take. There is even a school close to our home that serves children with his diagnosis, and I have had many people ask me why I have chosen to keep him in the public system here.

And my decision is simple. It comes down to community. The way the kids rally around him at school events and the way his church youth group members high five him when he walks in the door is worth it. My prayer is that he will continue to have community even when it is not in the bubble of school. This will be the real test. Will people accept him the way he is? Will he be given opportunities to do meaningful work? Will an employer see the gifts he has to offer the world and take a chance on him?

These are answers I simply do not have. But, the tide is turning and more and more people are realizing the importance of including those with special needs in the work force.

And just when I was finishing this post, another sweet friend sent me a link to a young man hired by Starbucks as a barista. He has autism and a movement disorder, so the Starbucks employees have dubbed him the "dancing barista". They have taken something that most would maybe see as a disability and reframed it as something with positivity and light.

See his awesome video here.

I don't know you Donald and Sam, but I am grateful for you. Keep paving the way!

And, to the people in the world who go the extra mile for those with disabilities, you are the angels we need.

Thank you.

Sleepovers

We had our first sleepover....

I was so nervous to ask. What if this boy says no? What if he was just being nice to Liam at school, but had NO intentions of striking up a friendship? What if he says YES? Then what?!! 

I wouldn't know unless I asked.

For months, Liam had been talking about his friend, Zach, that happened to be in band with him. Liam talked about how cool he was and how he was always getting "first chair" in band-playing tests. Because, with Liam, everything is a contest. I have never met someone more competitive than my child. I don't know if it's better or worse that his mother simply doesn't care about winning per se. I just don't have a competitive bone in my body. So, maybe we cancel each other out? - or, maybe his competitive nature makes me want to drink...not sure.

But, in his talking about Zach, there was a longing. A longing to have a friend. He saw his brother have friends over and spend the night out- why couldn't he? And, I don't have to remind you of all the years I have been writing about birthday parties. Birthdays are painful reminders that he, more often than not, doesn't always get those invites. 

So, I prayed. I have been praying this prayer for a long time actually. Lord, just one friend. That's all. I would love it if you just provided one person that would see Liam for who he is and accept him-nay, ADORE him the way we all do. 

(Now, I don't want to freak this kid out. I mean, I'm sure more than one friend will come along....hahahahahahahaha...seriously, though, will you be his friend???!!!)

So, needless to say, his mom said yes, and (gasp!) that Zach was really looking forward to coming over! 

When I told Liam about this, he was beside himself! Pacing, eyes staring off into space as his wheels turned thinking about the possibilities of the slumber party events. 

I imagined his thoughts were something like this:

"First, I'll show him my video games and how I like to play them. I will win every game we play. Then, we will go outside. Then, he will watch me play a computer game. I will win all of those as well. The end."

The whole back and forth thing hasn't been nuanced quite yet in our house. He would prefer if everyone just did exactly what he wanted to do the entire time, no questions asked. We're still tweaking that one.

(hmmm...sounds like a few adults I know as well...)

So, in an effort to have a back up plan in case Liam sat in front of a screen for 6 hours while his friend twirled his thumbs, I decided that we needed a destination. 

"Where do you want to go with Zach when he comes over?"

"Chuck E. Cheese".

I panicked. Do 13 years olds still think Chuck E. Cheese is cool? Doesn't Charles du Fromage (what we used to say in order to "hide" it from the kids) peak around age 9-10?

I reluctantly agreed. 

Yes! You are!! 

The day came for Zach to come over. Zach rode the special ed bus to our house like a champ! Didn't even bat an eye! He earned major friend points in my book for being willing to be seen on the not-so-short bus. (I don't know about your school, but the SPED bus at ours is SWANK! It is not short, and it is really nice!)

He walked in, confident, but not too much. He was great with Liam. He was patient, kind, funny...do I sound desperate? Because I totally am. I had to tell myself to quit asking him if he was having a good time, or if he needed another snack, or if I bought the right snacks, or if I needed to pay him money to stay. (Okay, I didn't ask that, but I thought it!)

The thing of it was, that I think Zach really DID want to be there. He knows that Liam is different than he is, but it's not a deficit to him- it's a bonus. He totally thinks Liam's ways of doing things are funny. And, he gets a kick out of seeing him excited about a video game, or an 89 yard touchdown on YouTube. 

He also knew when to set boundaries with Liam and when to let the small stuff fly by! He knew that Liam would be anxious about what time they would be going to bed (there would be no improvising or playing "outside the scale" on the schedule!), so Zach said, "you know what Liam, let's play one more round of USA Soccer on Xbox and then go to bed at 9:30"! 

I have to admit, I was high-fiving myself at that point!! 

Call it what you will, but as much as people my age want to complain about the new generation coming up as being emotionally stunted from technology, or having issues with socialization, or even being exposed to too much too fast, I have to say that there is a new wave of compassion and empathy that my generation missed out on. 

These kids have been exposed to children of special needs from the get-go. No longer are the SPED children sent to another building to be "dealt" with. Kids with autism, Down Syndrome, cerebral palsy, and other neurological disorders are included in the mainstream classrooms. Kids today most likely have seen a child with autism have a nervous breakdown in the middle of class, or watched a child in a wheelchair struggle to move around a classroom. And, because of that exposure, they are not intimidated by differences- they embrace them. I do not think I would have been that patient or kind as a middle schooler. I was much too impressed with myself to give unconditionally to others with differences. So to now see these kids getting involved and helping their peers is so very inspiring!!!! 

Now, I do know there are sad stories of bullies and mean-spirited kids who have taken advantage of this inclusion of SPED children. I do not pretend to believe that there will never be someone who will be mean to my son. But, the overwhelming sense that I have gotten from all the classrooms my son has been in is that once his peers know what is going on with him, they are ready and willing to help him along. And Zach is a great example of someone willing to go the extra mile! 

His dad picked him up the next morning, and we have seen this family several weekends this fall at various school events. Zach even plans to have Liam at his house this weekend, Lord-willing! :)

The other day I asked Liam about Zach and his friendship with him. Liam replied, "Sometimes Zach disobeys me."

(Sigh)

Like I said, little tweaking here and there.

Baby steps. 

My hope is there will be more steps, and more friends like Zach. 

And maybe, just maybe, this journey won't be so lonely after all.